"I'm teaching this girl and ... man, she just f***ing sucks."

Some people are born to instruct, others are not.  At the bottom of the "Others Are Not" barrel, underneath the layer of film, hidden behind a crusty band-aid lies an old acquaintance from Spokane named Collin.

Collin worked at Mount Spokane as a ski instructor.  He was a very friendly, young guy who at one point was roommates with our neighbor.  Collin was an amazing skier.  Collin was not an amazing instructor.  However, being an instructor granted you a free season pass.  For a twenty-something young man, this was worth the trouble of having to work a few hours every week teaching children and adults how to downhill ski.

Collin's Story

One Sunday afternoon, Brian and I bumped into him at the bottom of the bunny hill.  "Hey!" we called out.  "Hey!" he replied.

"What are you up to?" I asked, as I landed a double back flip.

"Nothing much," Collin sighed and looked over at a middle-school aged girl wobbling on skis, "just working on teaching this girl."

"How's it going?" Brian asked, as he caught his toe-edge and did a face plant.

"Oh, man," he groaned, "it's going horrible.  This girls sucks.  I mean, I'm teaching this girl and.... man, she just f***ing sucks.  She's terrible."

Brian and I looked over and the girl was five feet from Collin.  She was still wobbling on her skis and, without a doubt, she heard every word he said.

"Oh," I said, "Well, gotta go!"

--The end--

Clearly, Collin should never have been an instructor.  I mean, that's a no-brainer.  The reason I tell you all this is because last night Nolan started independent swimming lessons (meaning his first time without Mommy in the pool with him).  His instructor, M, was definitely from the same barrel as Collin; thankfully she was near the top.

There was really no key moment when I realized that Nolan's instructor wasn't very good.  It was a more a series of comments, actions, and remarks:

Upon us arriving five minutes early:

"Don't get in the pool," greeted Nameless Instructor Who Didn't Identify Herself As Nolan's Instructor, "Just wait over there until class begins.  We teach the kids to not get in the water until their class begins."

Upon the start of Nolan's class:

"The only other student is R," said Nameless Instructor Who Still Didn't Identify Herself As Nolan's Instructor, "She doesn't speak any English.  So I have that to work with."

Upon Nolan being timid getting into the water:

"NOLAN!" said Nameless Instructor Who I Assumed Was Nolan's Teacher And Not Just Some Random College Student, "SWIM TIME, DUDE!  LET'S GO!"  Nolan ran away from the pool and hid behind me.

Upon every time Nolan started to inch his way into the water:

"NOLAN!" cried M, who I finally asked what her name was and introduced her to my son, "COME OUT HERE AND SWIM WITH R!"  Nolan ran out of the pool and hid behind me.

Upon Nolan play-splashing M and her reprimanding him:

"Nolan, no splashing!" yelled M.  Nolan began to get out of the pool, so M began fervently splashing him as he came towards me.  Nolan started crying and ran towards me.  The aquatics director happened to be sitting a few feet away from me and HE yelled at M for splashing Nolan.  M apologized to Nolan.

Upon Nolan attempting to return to the pool after being splashed by the instructor:

"GOOD JOB, NOLAN!"  cried M, "COME OUT FARTHER!"  Nolan ran away from the pool and hid behind me.

At 6:15 p.m.:

"Oh, my God!" groaned M to me, "It's only been 15 minutes?  I thought we were almost done!  Ugh!"

At 6:25 p.m., during play time:

"Hi, Older Student In 6:30 p.m. Class!" greeted M, "We're having play time!  Fetch the diving ring!"  (So much for students not entering the pool until their class begins.)

At 6:26 p.m., during play time:

Older Student In 6:30 p.m. Class grabbed two diving rings, R grabbed one, and Nolan was left with none. The instructor repeated this "game" for the duration of the class.  Nolan never got another ring.  

At 6:30 p.m.:

"Class is done!" cried M, "Get out of the pool, Nolan!  Bye!"

At 6:31 p.m., while I was putting Nolan's t-shirt on him by the water:

"Class is done, Nolan!" cried M, "No more swimming!  See you next week!"

Honestly, I wasn't that bothered by most of the things.  It's clear that she's an impatient person and she shouldn't be an instructor.  The thing that bothered me the most (even more than splashing my kid, which only bothered me because she made Nolan cry) was Nolan not getting any of the rings.  He and R were having fun for the two minutes before the older student arrived.  Nolan was going farther out in the pool to hand the instructor the ring, and M seemed to be enjoying his improvement.  He was getting more comfortable.  As soon as Older Student arrived, M's focus was diverted and she no longer cared.  THAT sucked.  

On the plus side, Nolan had fun and he improved a lot.  Be grateful for the little things.